Maybe babies know more about life than we think. After all, they enter it crying. While all lives happen in their own unique shapes and sizes there is at least one common experience: Pain.
Pain is the price of life - if you want to keep breathing you’ll find yourself begrudgingly paying it over and over. But for some it is more than a tedious tax.
If it doesn’t kill you, what will you be?
Becca, my wife, spends every day motionless in bed. Her pain is constant.
Light is painful so we’ve made the room pitch black. Sound is painful so she wears earplugs. Chewing is painful so her food is blended. Talking is painful so she whispers a couple words at a time, only when she needs something.
There’s nothing you want to do more than hug her, but she can’t tolerate touch.
As Becca’s primary caregiver I spend 99% of my time in the room with her. I’m usually on the other side of a blackout curtain where I have a dim nightlight, a pile of books, and this laptop. We’ve lived like this for nearly 5 months now.
Sometimes I think about who Becca and I will be one day when we leave this room together.
There’s a special kind of someone we’ve come to look up to. It’s the person who - against all odds - finds purpose in what otherwise may appear to be totally senseless suffering. They say to themselves:
“My suffering at first seemed without reason - only because I had yet to use it. It is not for nothing, for it has endowed me with a gift I will give to others. And that is enough of a reason to have suffered it.”
Having crawled through the thickest mud, this person doesn’t stand up. They don’t search for somewhere to wash off. They don’t pose for the camera. They turn around and look for others that will benefit from what their struggle has taught them.
Is there any kind of person we need more in this world?
Honoring the giving of those who suffer
I used to believe that someone in pain is best helped by someone who is well. But would you ever follow a marathon training program written by someone who had never run a marathon? The person who hasn’t suffered what you have does not possess the incredibly specific insights and empathy you need on your journey.
There is maybe only one truly reliable prize you win for enduring something difficult: You now know what it’s like to endure something difficult.
This new, specialized knowledge might feel mostly useless unless 1) you plan on enduring that same thing again or 2) you plan on sharing that knowledge with others who may endure that same thing.
What Doesn’t Kill You is a publication intended to document that hard-earned knowledge - and honor those who make it their mission to turn right back around and use the unique insights and empathy they’ve gained to help others.
As a paid subscriber you can expect highly produced podcast episodes each month, each telling the personal story of an individual confronting the hardest, most soul-crushing realities of life. You’ll also get access to companion articles that contain extra insights, experiences, and multimedia related to each story.
If a paid subscription doesn’t make sense for you at the moment, you can also select our free plan. You’ll be notified whenever public content is released. We truly appreciate any and all support.
Note: The price of an annual subscription ($60) is roughly equivalent to the cost of a day of my wife Becca’s medical care (doctors, medicines, and supplements). Every subscription brings my full-time caregiving for her one step closer to financial sustainability.